Life is only a reflection of what we allow ourselves to see

In the quiet of the morning I stepped outside into the brisk October air, McKenzie and I were out for our morning walk.  The day was still dark, the sun rises later this time of year. Breathing in the crisp air, taking in the quiet of the moment, I looked up and noticed how bright the moon was.  Was she looking down on all of us, or is she somewhere else living the life she should have had?

It was early Saturday morning, October 30, 2004 when she passed on. Today my mom is gone fourteen years, seems like only yesterday, but in reality it has been fourteen years.  She lived a life, I’m sure, she never envisioned when she was a child. She came to find peace that final year, retiring, moving into a new apartment she would decorate and furnish, it was all hers.  She purchased a new car and was so excited about both her new apartment and car, she would only drive it once.  She spoke with joy of the ducks that frequented the parking lot of her new home.  Just minutes from me and my family, but worlds away from where she had been for most of her life.

 Mom (Catherine) is on the right

Being raised Catholic, we were taught to believe once you die, your soul goes to Heaven. I’m not quite sure what I believe. Heaven is most likely a beautiful place, but in my heart, I believe we are born again into another being.  Our soul becomes someone else, we live another life completely. What we do in this life, affords us better or worse in the next life.  My mom is living a wonderful life, one of tranquility, happiness and wealth.  Not wealth in the sense of possessions, but wealth as in an abundance of happiness.  She deserves happiness and peace.

As a child, I only remember her speaking of being carefree and happy once in her life. That is not to say, that she didn’t find happiness in her children, she absolutely did, my sister, brother and I were her whole world.  What I am referring to is a happiness within.  Only once, I believe, she actually found that happiness and it was while on a trip she had taken to California. This was before she got married and had children, she was young, carefree and happy.  I don’t remember her smiling often, but she looked radiant in the photos taken in California.  There were even photographs of her on a motorcycle, and at the beach, certainly not the mom I knew! (LOL)  She was young and oh so beautiful, auburn hair, a beautiful milky complexion and dressed so stylishly.

Mom sitting with dark shirt/Mom in the white dress – California

This past June, my husband and I took a trip to California and I now understand why she fell in love with all of it.  An ocean bluer than blue, winding roads, beauty as far as your eye can see, and a carefree lifestyle not found in New Jersey.  Part of her will forever remain in California, where she belongs, where she knew pure and simple happiness.

I know my mom would have loved watching her grandchildren graduate from high school and college.  She would have been beaming from ear to ear with joy as her oldest grandchild was married and became a mother herself.  Unfortunately, she wasn’t here to witness any of those events.  I do know that wherever she is, she has found the happiness she so rightfully deserved.

As always, thank you for following along and sharing in my life.

Until next time. . . .